Closing the curtains.


At times it's something I need. The need to close the curtains, be myself completely and letting all my feelings and thoughts out. The feelings can be pleasant, but they are also sometimes dark. At times I need to let everything in my mind get out. I have really nice neighbours, but it's not all sides of me I want them to see.

It is something I do without a schedual. I don't set a certain day, time or for how long it shall last. It's not difficult for me to write about, but I don't want anyone to see it. Honestly I doubt this will be posted. When I write things it's rarely something I feel I have to publish. I write it for me and if I publish it, it's for me. I wish for others to get a glimpse of my mind.

When I have these moments I start by locking the door, closing the curtains and making sure no one can see me. Sometimes I sit down by the piano and just play whatever my heart want's to play. Sometimes it's cheerfull and sometimes It's dark. I mess around with major and minor chords. The piano is one of my main ways to express myself. 

I might put on some music that reflects my mood, write or uszer on my face, feet and hands. I do what I feel I need to feel good. I might put on some of my vlothes that make me feel how I want to feel and how I want to be. I might cry. I do this if me body tells me to cry. I let my body tell me what to do in these times.

I might watch a movie or several. I might find some shows, tv-series, musical or anything I want to put on. I might also read. All these things are ways for me to escape this reality if I feel a need to do so. The future can be whatever I want, and sometimes it's nice to escape from the present for a short period, in a safe way.

When I do any of these things I can cantact people I want to talk to. I might not tell them I'm doing this, but sometimes it's nive to talk to the people in my life, about whatever. I never lie about what I do. I just don't always tell everything I do to everyone. 

When I've had an evening like this I usually feel renewed or tired. It is a way to refresh my mind. I don't know if this is something you're interested in doing, but as I said I'm not sure if this will be published.


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