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Something to do

t’s important. Having something to do so your days does not feel empty. Empty days can quickly result in feeling empty and depression. It’s a terrible feeling. It’s not important what you do as long as it’s something that makes sense to you.
Earlier I’ve either had school or the privilege to work with Martial Arts and self-defence for people with sifferent disabilities. Now these things are gone. I finished school and the work I did seems to have dried up. This is scary and makes me apathetic. I’m still lucky to have some friends and family around the country and world, but my depression seems to have taken hpød in me.
I try to find something to do. I have Martial Art, nut do to my legs and knee that have gone bad I can’t practice. I spend much time listening to music and watching movies and series, but it would be nice to have something that feels like a plan. 
My friends help me a lot. Talking to them about what I think and what they think helps me. If they struggle with something it h…

Anxiety

I suffer from social anxiety, as well as general anxiety at times. It is terrible. I know I have no reason to be afraid, but when it is present I can't control it. It can be triggered by many different things. It doesn't always make sense, what triggers it. 
When my anxiety is here I do not dare to make sounds. I can't put on some music or anything like that. I almost don't even dare to take a shower. This is because the sound's distort my echo location. I'm also scared the sounds will attract whatever scares me at the present point of time. 
Yesterday I was triggered by a commercial on youtube. I skipped the commercial as soon as possible, but it was enough. It didn't take more to release my anxiety. I just ate as quickly as I could begore laying in bed, shivering. If I for some reason I had to leave the bed I ran with my heart in my throat. I had problems breathing as well as elevated heart rate. 
This anxiety is easier on me now, but it's still there. I…

The mind and the body

Lately I've been very dizzy and nautious. I've not been able to excersize or move a lot. This is annoying and depressing. This makes me sad and restless. I need to find a way for me to get back to the upside of life. I'm not back to the dression, but I'm not in a place of happiness or comfort.
A few days ago I got a very positive phonecall from friends of mine. This elevated my mood a great deal and it gave me strength. It kept a smile on my face for several days! This is one of the things that help me not to spiral down into the darkness. I also have help in my other friend's who talk to me a great deal. As well as my travelling plans this autumn. I'm only going to travel domesticly, but I love it!
For several months now I've had little sleep each night. This is exhausting and does not help either my mind or body. It also makes me hungrier which makes me having to eat more. This makes it hard to keep my diet. Difficulties keeping my diet makes me angry and s…

The wall

There are many kinds of walls. There are seceral famous walls. No, I'm not going to write about the wall Donald Trump talked about, and I'm not writing about the Chinese wall. The walls I'm thinking of are the walls we put up around ourselves as well as the wall we sometimes hit in regards to our thoughts.
I feel now like I hit such a wall. I'm working hard on losing weight and bevause of this I've walk a lot. I feel I hit the wall when it somes to walking. I'm not motivated and I quickly become exhausted. Now my stamine when walking is worse than it was when I began dieting and excersising. It was a lot better a couple of weeks ago,
I try to motivate myself, but it's difficult. I try telling myself I should walk to burn more energy, but I feel like I'm out of energy. I feel like lating down and just sleep all day long. It does not help now when I have troubles sleeping. I fall asleep, but I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm unable to fall ba…

Times my mind says "No!"

Most days I'm happy and want to talk to people. I'm usually a social and ourgoing person, but there are other times. Some days I just feel awful. I feel like everything around and inside me screems no! This is not fun. Why do I feel this way, some days?
It has a lot to do with the previous days and that night. How was the days leading up to today? How did I sleep this night? If I'm awake in the middle of the night my mind tends to spirol into dark thoughts. Many of the thoughts from my darkest periods return. Nothing in my mind seem positive. 
When most people say hello to me, except for my best friends, I just want to reply to them with "No!" Or "Not today!" Usually I try to talk to them and stay nice and polite. I'm not always able to do this, but I know it can help to just talk with people. If some of my friends say hello I tell them straight away how I feel. This tends to help me. These friends are people I know I can talk to about everything. My …

A changing mood.

My mood changes. It is completely natural, but when it changes quickly and often it is annoying, tiering and diffucult. It can go from really happy, to sad, to angry and back in a moment. This makes ihard for me, but also for the people I talk to on these days where my mood is like this.
It is most often like this when I'm tired or sleepy. In periods where I have troubles sleeping my mood bacomes very hard to control or predict. A small thing can elevate my mood, but a small thing can also drive it through the ground. Someone saying hello to me might be enough to make me happy, but me having to cough van make me sad. I also tend to take things too personally in these times. This does not help. 
What do I do if I notice I have such a day? It's not easy to notice when I'm in the middle of it and it makes it ten times worse if someone points it out to me. If I notice it by myself there are a few things I can do that might help me stabilize my emotions, but it takes a lot of wil…

Why I haven't moved.

A while ago I wanted to move. I have moved to different locations in the same city, but I wanted to move to another city. Why haven't I? I wanted to move because of my social network, which is spread all over the country. All over the world. I wanted to experience something new, and try living in an unfimiliar place.
There are some reasons I'm still living in the town I grew up. The first reason is because I know how to get around. I know where the different stores, centers and other things are. I know a lot of people here, and there are many people whi, if they see me, ask if I need or want help. This makes it easier and safer for me to go out.
Another reason is I find it to be a nice size. It's not a big city which can get tiering and annoying, but it still has most things I need. If there is something I need otside of this town there are easy ways for me to get to where I need to go. Here I also , both had where I lived, and have where I live now, very nive house owners. …