Innlegg

Bullied for a lomg time

I was bullied. All through all 10 years of elementary school and all through high school. I was bullied by the cool kids, my friends and the other kids. I was bullied because I was a nerd,my red hair, freckles, my taste of music, the fact I was unable to roll the r’s when speeking. I was not an athletic kid and I was not good at the creative subjects. I was also bullied for being diabetic and when I started losing my sight I was bullied for this as well.
Ever since I was a young kid I have had thoughts about death. I was not sure if my life was worth living. I was bullied at school, in my spare time and when the internet was getting common I was bullied there as well. It got so bad we went to the police with links, pictures and pages, all of hurtfull, bullying comments. We never heard anything from the police. This made me question if I had any worth in the world. I thought to myself «The police helps people that’s worth something, so I’m not.
I started eating to not feel sad. This resu…

A good day with difficulties

Yesterday was a great day! It started with me waking up after nine hours of sleep! I struggle with sleep deprivation so nine hours were both shocking and heavenly! I felt rested and optimistic. I was prepared for a good day even though I was going to the hospital to get a new insuline pump and being taught how to use it.
I ate breakfast, did a hundred sidekicks and jumped in the shower. The taxi that was going to bring me to the hospital was on time and it was a nice driver. I arrived at the hospital thinking it would be boring to be there for four hours, but I’d try to make the best of it. The woman who was teaching me was really nice and had a good sense of humour. She had never tried teaching it to someone who could not see the screen, but she did an amazing job! We were finished already after 1 hour and 45 minutes! I was really happy it was over that quick! I wanted to get home! The ride home was easy and I was happy when I got back home!
The first thing I did when I got home was ea…

How are you?

This is a common question. It’s easy to answer by just saying «Fine» or something like that. You shouldn’t ask this question if you»43 not interested in hearing how the person actually is. If you are sad or depressed it’s not always easy to tell the trutg. I know with myself that I am often scared of tekkubg the truth because of how the person might react.
If it is a person who say he/she really wants to know and cares about you, you should try to be as open and honest as possible. It might even feel good to tell someone. There are people who care about you, even if you do not believe so. I can tell you honestly that I care about you. I do not know who you are, but I care. I know how it can be to struggle with depression. No depression is the same, but I care @ great deal.
I have struggled with depression in the past, and I still do. One of the thins that happens to me is sleep deprivation. I don»5 get much sleep. This does not help either the body or the mind. The body has less energy …

Something to do

t’s important. Having something to do so your days does not feel empty. Empty days can quickly result in feeling empty and depression. It’s a terrible feeling. It’s not important what you do as long as it’s something that makes sense to you.
Earlier I’ve either had school or the privilege to work with Martial Arts and self-defence for people with sifferent disabilities. Now these things are gone. I finished school and the work I did seems to have dried up. This is scary and makes me apathetic. I’m still lucky to have some friends and family around the country and world, but my depression seems to have taken hpød in me.
I try to find something to do. I have Martial Art, nut do to my legs and knee that have gone bad I can’t practice. I spend much time listening to music and watching movies and series, but it would be nice to have something that feels like a plan. 
My friends help me a lot. Talking to them about what I think and what they think helps me. If they struggle with something it h…

Anxiety

I suffer from social anxiety, as well as general anxiety at times. It is terrible. I know I have no reason to be afraid, but when it is present I can't control it. It can be triggered by many different things. It doesn't always make sense, what triggers it. 
When my anxiety is here I do not dare to make sounds. I can't put on some music or anything like that. I almost don't even dare to take a shower. This is because the sound's distort my echo location. I'm also scared the sounds will attract whatever scares me at the present point of time. 
Yesterday I was triggered by a commercial on youtube. I skipped the commercial as soon as possible, but it was enough. It didn't take more to release my anxiety. I just ate as quickly as I could begore laying in bed, shivering. If I for some reason I had to leave the bed I ran with my heart in my throat. I had problems breathing as well as elevated heart rate. 
This anxiety is easier on me now, but it's still there. I…

The mind and the body

Lately I've been very dizzy and nautious. I've not been able to excersize or move a lot. This is annoying and depressing. This makes me sad and restless. I need to find a way for me to get back to the upside of life. I'm not back to the dression, but I'm not in a place of happiness or comfort.
A few days ago I got a very positive phonecall from friends of mine. This elevated my mood a great deal and it gave me strength. It kept a smile on my face for several days! This is one of the things that help me not to spiral down into the darkness. I also have help in my other friend's who talk to me a great deal. As well as my travelling plans this autumn. I'm only going to travel domesticly, but I love it!
For several months now I've had little sleep each night. This is exhausting and does not help either my mind or body. It also makes me hungrier which makes me having to eat more. This makes it hard to keep my diet. Difficulties keeping my diet makes me angry and s…

The wall

There are many kinds of walls. There are seceral famous walls. No, I'm not going to write about the wall Donald Trump talked about, and I'm not writing about the Chinese wall. The walls I'm thinking of are the walls we put up around ourselves as well as the wall we sometimes hit in regards to our thoughts.
I feel now like I hit such a wall. I'm working hard on losing weight and bevause of this I've walk a lot. I feel I hit the wall when it somes to walking. I'm not motivated and I quickly become exhausted. Now my stamine when walking is worse than it was when I began dieting and excersising. It was a lot better a couple of weeks ago,
I try to motivate myself, but it's difficult. I try telling myself I should walk to burn more energy, but I feel like I'm out of energy. I feel like lating down and just sleep all day long. It does not help now when I have troubles sleeping. I fall asleep, but I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm unable to fall ba…